Kinky sex refers to anything that isn’t vanilla. It can include BDSM, humiliation, rough sex, group sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, dressing up, female domination, fetishes, role play, and the use of sex toys.
Spicing up your sex life with kinky sex ideas doesn’t take as much effort as you might think. We’ve created this guide to give you 12 quick and easy ideas to maximise your pleasure in the bedroom.
Try light bondage
Bondage is the ‘B’ in BDSM. It is the practice of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for stimulation. For a beginner we recommend starting out with cuffs, and then graduating onto rope. Although ropes are highly versatile, by using cuffs you don’t have to worry about your binding skills. Since you can also use cuffs to ensure your submissive partner is unable to touch themselves, they are also handy for experimenting with orgasm denial.
These Lovehoney Black Handcuffs are ideal for couples. The furry sleeves are removable which makes them easy to clean too. These cuff restraints come with two keys which means that if you happen to lose a key in the heat of the moment, you’ll be able to avoid an awkward phone call to the emergency services.
Read erotic stories together
Reading erotic stories online or in books can be a fantastic way for you and your partner to get more creative in the bedroom. Read aloud and touch each other, until you can’t control yourselves any longer. If you would rather not read aloud with your partner, then consider reading books in your own time and making a mental note of some of the ways the protagonist explores their sexuality. You can either try it later that day on your own, or with your significant other. If you’re not sure where to start, then Penguin has a fantastic list of erotic books to help you start building your collection.
Explore a sexy fetish
By definition, fetishes fall outside of the sexual “norm,” but that doesn’t mean every out-there sexual desire qualifies as a fetish. Nor does it mean that every person on the planet has a fetish either. But if you do, it’s worth exploring this with your partner, or in a safe space.
If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, then identify an opportune moment to discuss a potentially exciting new part of your sex life together. Feet, latex, and voyeurism are three of the most common fetishes. However, there are lots of fetishes out there and there is a community for everyone. If you are single, or in a non-monogamous relationship, go out and explore your desires by reaching out to like-minded individuals online, at special club nights, or through friends.
Watch porn with your partner
Before diving into the deep end, it’s really important to discuss this kinky idea with your partner first. If your partner is hesitant, you should spend some time exploring why. Does the idea make them feel awkward? Does the idea make them feel inadequate in the bedroom? Whilst many men and women may be open to this, some aren’t and that’s okay!
Many couples successfully integrate watching porn into their sexual relationship; it can be a useful way of increasing arousal or getting ideas to introduce to your sexual repertoire. As you watch these movies together, it can be helpful to ask questions. For example:
- “Would you like to try that position tonight?”
- “Have you ever fantasised about a threesome?”
- “Would you want me to wear an outfit like that the next time we have sex?”
Buy sex toys for anal play
Anal play, though growing in popularity, is still considered somewhat taboo and kinky. For example, you might think anal sex is pretty kinky if you’ve only had vaginal sex in the past. Many people have fears about anal sex, even though it can be extremely pleasurable due to the anal region being rich in nerve endings. Therefore, trying anal play first can help decrease anxiety about the whole thing. To begin with, have your partner use their fingers around your anal ring. Then, consider playing with a small butt plug so you can get an idea of the sensation you’ll be experiencing before jumping right in. Using a lubricant is highly recommended.
Lovehoney offers a fantastic Beginners Anal Kit which contains stimulating anal beads, a smooth butt plug, a vibrating butt plug and a double-ended anal probe for couples fun. Once you’ve mastered standard toys, why not consider remote controlled sex toys where you give your partner the remote? This can be a good way to give your partner the power to be in control of your pleasure. It can also be fun if you decide to take it in turns. At Steamy we also offer an extensive range of remote-controlled vibrating butt plugs.
Try erotic humiliation
Erotic humiliation can be incredibly kinky. As a beginner, we recommend trying dirty talk. Words can also be tremendously arousing. But it’s important to make sure you know the types of words that your partner would like to hear and the words that they could find offensive. Humiliation play should be fun not upsetting! When trying erotic humiliation, be sure to consider the tone and way you say the words. Alter your tone of voice. Speak with conviction. Give direction. Mean what you say. Using a safe word is vital in case things become overwhelming and any of the parties involved want to stop.
Do naughty things in public
Public play includes anything that causes you to be aroused whilst you’re out in public. There are lots of reasons why someone might want to engage in discrete public displays of kink. But most people do it for the thrill. If you’ve ever watched Fifty Shades Darker, you may remember the Ben Wa balls movie scene. This is an example of public play.
The key to doing naughty things in public is making sure that the acts remain naughty, rather than illegal. Public nudity in non-designated areas e.g. nude beaches is illegal in almost every country in the world. However wearing a skirt with no knickers, wearing shorts without underwear, or leaving the house with a sex toy inside of you, are all viable options.
Try new sex positions
If your sex life has been feeling a little dull, then it may be worth trying new sex positions in the bedroom. These 7 positions for kinky sex are a great way to start:
- Seated wheelbarrow
- Pinball wizard
- Spider
- Butter churner
- Flat iron
- Stand and deliver
- Reverse cowgirl
Some of these positions require more strength and flexibility than others. But to learn more, read this blog post on the best sex positions to try with your partner.
Live out a fantasy using roleplay
Living out a fantasy using props, sex toys and your imagination will spice up your sex life. Speak to your partner and explore what turns them on, see if it’s the same or similar to yours. Don’t be afraid to be completely honest. Roleplaying as a high-class escort, an employee desperate for a raise, or a cheating housewife are some of the most popular scenarios. They also require minimal props. However, you can involve a range of props and toys to enhance the experience. For example, your partner could dress up as a police officer with a sexy cop costume, and use a dildo instead of a baton.
Film yourself having sex
Filming yourself having sex with somebody who consents to being filmed can spice up your sex life. To some people having a lens on them during sex, feels like having another pair of eyes in the room. This creates an additional element of fun. When you watch yourself have sex, you get to simultaneously be a voyeur and an exhibitionist. It is similar to voyeurism because most people enjoy watching others have sex (porn), but different because you’re watching yourself.
Experiment with sex toys
If you’re in a relationship and looking to increase both pleasure and intimacy, consider experimenting with a sex toy created with partnered play in mind. There is a range of options available. If you’re turned on by impact play, which just means any sort of sexual fun that results in a hit on the body, such as spanking, then we recommend visiting Love Honey. There is a range of products available for beginners keen to explore an impact kink. For a beginner, we highly recommend the affordable Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Crop.
For men that are looking to experiment, the sleek silicone Lelo Tor 2 Luxury Rechargeable Vibrating Cock Ring is ideal for stimulation with 6 vibrating functions to maximise pleasure.
For women, dildo’s and magic wand vibrators are always a great idea for solo fun. Our favourite is the Lelo Smart Wand Large Rechargeable Vibrator. Lelo’s award-winning Smart Wand delivers extravagantly intense vibrations for premium pleasure. Its sleek silicone surface is completely waterproof, with a rechargeable battery that gives you up to 4 hours of play. This vibrator is cordless which means it can be used anywhere in the home too!
Try a threesome with your partner
In the USA, 10% of women and 18% of men have participated in group sex. The words “threesome” and “gangbang” were two of the most common search terms on Porhub in 2019. There are several ways to try group sex. In a couple, it’s possible to search dating websites and apps for individuals and couples seeking something similar. There are often private, small-group “play” parties that allow you to ease into group sex too. A quick online search will tell you if anything like that exists where you live.
However, at all times, it’s important to keep in mind the difference between fantasy and reality. The fantasy is having incredible sex with two other people at the same time, while the reality can lead to jealousy, fear, and insecurity. So if you’re planning a threesome make sure you discuss the potential consequences. Explore all of the possibilities. Discuss the worst case scenarios, and have a contingency plan.
When playing with others we always recommend that you play safe.
